Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
