i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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