we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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