i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
