omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
