just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
