hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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