capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize