meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Randomize
