There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
