If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
