Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
