ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize