trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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