just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
