I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Randomize
