Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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