the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
