Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
