I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
soo... how was my night?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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