I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
