conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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