I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
