You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
