so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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