I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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