We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize