i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
