I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
