I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Randomize
