Life is so much better after having sex.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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