Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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