love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
