My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
