he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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