Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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