I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
