i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
