Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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