There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
