I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
