Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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