he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize