Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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