One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
