Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
It's shark week go big or go home
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
So vagazzling was a success
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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