im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
