im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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