Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
