I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Randomize
