I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
