Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
