She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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