I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
