Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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