theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize