I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
