Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Randomize
