FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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