Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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