at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
