He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
