Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
two words: eviction party
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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