I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Randomize
