She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
