What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I'm both gender and math confused
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
