Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
