Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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