You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
