It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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