i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
