So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
