i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
