oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
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