On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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