I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
