He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Randomize
