Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
